Valet Confidential

Find out what I've been keeping under my hat

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What Does Heaven Mean To You? Send Us Your Video!

Belinda & January Fairy - photo by Abe Perlstein

7 Seconds in Heaven. You know, like the party game, only shorter.

We’re starting work on the next Bubbles in the Think Tank record about records for Record Store Day, “7 Inches in Heaven.” Once again we’ll be launching a Kickstarter campaign to help fund the manufacturing the record and we’re looking for videos from our friends and listeners that we may use in our Kickstarter video.

We want you to send us a 7-second long video of what heaven means to you. Make it simple or elaborate: just you talking, various shots edited together, voiceover or talking head, serious or fun, just as long as it’s made with love.

Email your video to heaven@bittt.me

Hopefully we’ll use it in our Kickstarter video and you can show off to all your friends!

Think of it as our little mutual slice of heaven.

xo

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@Midnight #RuinAChildrensBook

Children's LibraryComedy Central’s @Midnight show has a feature called Hashtag Wars, where they come up with a hashtag, usually some bastardization of something well known (books, movies, candies, etc). They then ask the viewers to keep things rolling by tweeting their own examples. A couple of weeks ago the hashtag was “#RuinAChildrensBook” – and I just couldn’t help myself:

@midnight Where the Wilding Things Are #RuinAChildrensBook
@midnight The Hooker in Times Square #RuinAChildrensBook
@midnight The Phantom Tollbooth Gloryhole #RuinAChildrensBook
@midnight Harold and the Purple-headed Dildo #ruinachildrensbook
@midnight Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret Thatcher #ruinachildrensbook
@midnight Charlie and the Great Glass Butt Plug #ruinachildrensbook

I’m really quite proud of a couple of those.

Feel free to play along in the comments.

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I do not embarrass easily

Over on the Facebooks the other day, Michael J. Epstein (of Darling Pet Munkee, Michael J Epstein Memorial Library, et al) posted this comment to his own post regarding workplace harassment training: “Training Pro-tip: You should never write anything electronically that you wouldn’t want your mother to see.”

I am reminded by the differing responses I got from my teachers and my parents when this letter appeared in the local newspaper.

Get Cosmic - The Followup Letter

Which was a followup to this letter, written by a friend of ours:

Get Cosmic - The Original Letter

As I remember it, our followup appeared in the paper the day of a school district open meeting of some sort and I guess some parents were quite upset. The next day my English teacher asked “What do your parents think of that?” And I had to be honest, “They thought it was hilarious.”

My father, a Presbyterian minister, would occasionally accost my friends & me as we walked down the road, rolling down the window of his car and jokingly yelling “HEATHENS!”

Another thing I was reminded by the “pro-tip”: my mother made me a very accurate nun’s habit for a costume one year. I went by the name “Mother Flucker”. Mom thought that was great. Somewhere there’s a pic of me in costume – I sure wish I could find it to share with you all. I wore it for the Chorallaries of MIT “Concert in Bad Taste” one year, and I think maybe it showed up in The Tech.

Also, her favorite Chandler Travis song was “Where’s My Glasses“.

For the most part, I really don’t think about what my mother and father would think about what I write here, twitter, or facebook. Then again, perhaps maybe I do after all, I just know that they’d be OK with it.

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Clean as a Whistle!

The Colon

I had my very first colonoscopy on Thursday and the doc gave me a clean bill of health – YAY! I have a healthy colon, and don’t have to do this again for another 10 years!

Not all that bad, really – and yes, the drugs were very nice (they used propofol on me).

Apparently, part of the procedure is to inflate the colon.  In the recovery room, this leads to the nurses telling you in the nicest way possible to fart as much as possible.  “Just keep pushing that air out”, they say.

They even gave me pictures (of the procedure, not the farts!), which I feel semi-obligated to share … consider yourselves warned!

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A Very Special Valentine’s Day For Me

Surprise!You think you have big plans for Valentine’s Day this year?  How about this – I scheduled my first colonoscopy yesterday, and the available date was Thursday, February 13.  Woo Hoo!

 

A Colonoscopy Haiku

Now in my fifties
Standard procedure, my ass
Knock me out good please

 

Is it appropriate to bring your colonoscopy doctor flowers?

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Aww … who told them?

AARP Membership

A mere 18 months after I turned 50, I finally got my first mailing from the folks at AARP today.  I remember my mom being amazed because she got a membership plea from them something like the day after she turned 50.

I wonder how they finally figured it out …

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Haiku

Late night, driving fast
Oh hell, a speeding ticket
Goodbye to New York

A Variation:
Late night, driving fast
Fuck me! A speeding ticket!
Ready to be home